“Come back when you know who you really are “Just me”.”
I’ve battled my past, fought the dragons, understood my transgressions, forgiven all, forgotten most, got the joke, found a lovely garden to come to rest my weary mind and body in and have now woken in paradise.
Why on earth do I want out? “Get me a serpent and an apple STAT.” Why are people scared of happiness? Without opposition there can be no progression. Great, some friction to get this jewel of my life polished is needed. What happens when the jewel is perfect?
Most people are scared of happiness. I know I was. I came to a stage where every loose end was tied, I wanted for nothing, and yet a small glimmer of hope leapt up within when something was about to go askew. WHAT? Are you for real? You want me to do this much work today? Oh….you’ve done it already for me, and you wanted to let me know….um….um….WHAT..are you trying to steal my thunder?..oh…no….I see it was a team effort……um….WHAT?….so I am now dispensable?….oh….um….I see you really need my individual skills and contribution….well then… I guess everything is fkn fine then…..GREAT.
When you have spent half of your life being trodden on, and the second half of your life flipping it around to regain your power, how on earth do you stop the fight? How do you relinquish the burden? How do you stand still and know you have arrived? Some of us have read one of the many variations of the story of the man that goes his whole life in search of the Meaning of Life (or Spirit, or Truth, or God), and he finally reaches the door. He goes to knock, and instead walks away. Once the knock is answered then what? Is this what incarnation is all about? Volunteering to forget where the door is so we can thrive and grow in search of it? ☺
I found the door a few years ago, I didn’t knock, I walked straight in like it was my birth right. What I found absolutely brought me to my knees.
The bulk of my time was spent surviving things I threw my way, firstly out of fear, then after conquering my fears, out of boredom. I’ve conquered the biggies. Fear was my faithful companion along the way, always behind me spurring me along, watching my back.
We parted ways the day I stopped looking back.
I’ve tried to empower others to conquer theirs, but the majority of people do not want solutions, or the truth, they want their problems and for their journeys to be theirs. Fair enough. I completely understand this.
Surely the next step then was to share. How was I to be of Service?
Here’s the best bit. You have help.
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