The Misery of Awakening

Contrary to what the ‘spiritual community’ says, to awaken is NOT to be filled with immense joy at the realisation of an abundant higher truth of all that is. The feelings that come with awakening are misery, apathy, boredom, betrayal, all accompanied by a judgemental hatred of people. You aim a deep seated hate towards a universe that asks you to believe without giving the reasons why, or any evidence of rewarding peace and healing once you do (ok, perhaps hate is the extreme end of the scale!).

After the initial moment of realisation, the excitement of levelling up, the new landscape becomes very barren. You’ve arrived, but you do not have the right eyes yet to see. You are still intellectualising it. The illusions are evident, it was all a stage, theatrics. The interchanges you scoped out with your friends and enemies in the greenroom of this life are finally seen as what they are, soulmates (for lack of a better word). The people you associated with in these dramas will fall away from your attentiveness, work becomes purposeless, and even your family are a bit iffy. All the addictions are now seen as the tool they were, a means to spin your wheels until you got it. All the spiritual gurus you were enamoured by are now seen as fools, either believing their own lies, or intentionally capitalising on the pain of others. Intellectualizing it keeps the pain of the lie at bay for a while, but even that ends in disgust for having to buy in to yet another illusion to stay afloat. Why is it SO HARD? All these positive affirmation junkies can go jump into their mass cesspool chakra of fakery and spin on it. You know the truth, they are still on the stage. You get angry that they are rushing people into the wrong direction, but you let it go, because after all, they did not drag you for too long. They serve a purpose, just like the illusory devil, and all the other fabricated decoys do.

So, what’s next?

Teach? Spread the word? You know people only listen from their ‘ego’ space. The seeker is all desire, and desire comes from the ego, which has no eyes and ears to hear the truth. Deep ha? What a load of rubbish. People are stupid, the masses are stupid. You would need to be one to teach one. Remember you were one of them, and the force was strong. And then you would also need to enter the congested commercial lanes of mass media to reach them amidst the competition that are better at appealing to the ignorant than you are, and some even have mega endorsements from celebrities…stage royalty. It would take so many blogs and tweets and ebooks and vlogs, and then you would be guaranteeing yourself one market only, the end-users who have been monopolised long ago by groupthink and norms set up and spread by a Western culture coercing Eastern truths, repackaging them, and selling them back to the world at a high price with little actual understanding….but DAMMIN YOU MUST HAVE IT…to belong….and so forth.

What about some type of internal spiritual combustion where you love yourself and those closest to you so damn much, forgiveness, compassion, the whole gamut, and become so pure that the transformation makes the whole ‘holographic’ universe change to match. You combust into a bright star and that joy will finally hit. Pfft….again, that’s still an outside job working with projections, illusions. In fact, the whole idea comes from the same group you just released yourself from. Its their words, their imagery. Who’s to say what is or isn’t.

In awakening what you have actually done is realize what it is all NOT about, not what it is….not yet.

So, what’s next?



Patience. Live it a little longer. Things will change. Just when you think for the 10th time I’ll end it all here, keep on going a little further.

We are still working on a stage, in a movie, in a story. We have simply just woken up to it, looking at the actor in front of us who is still totally consumed by their role.

Many of us do not watch a movie more than once. Our choices in movies differ too. For me personally, I had a broad range of interest years ago. Today, it needs to teach and challenge me, or make me laugh or cry, but in a way that I’ve not experienced before. It would need to advance my healing and expansion. I would need to see different landscapes, perspectives. It was an easier feat as a child, but now I know too much. There is not much left to assimilate and integrate, not a lot of fresh visions, feelings and ideas. It is the same with a book. I will stop both movie or book if it does not engage me. You will have your own interest and motivation to watch a movie or read a story. Life is the same. But we all also have the potential to write and produce. Watch enough movies, be totally absorbed into stories, analyse every character, plot, subtext, and you will become master of creation. When you get the vantage point of waking up and seeing it all for what it is, yes, disappointment will set in, but, with a little patience you see the opportunity to play with it. It is so much easier when you no longer fear the drama.


Live it. Be the change. Trust. Joy will follow.

The Butterfly Effect may seem like an imaginary distant concept, but it is very true. It really is all connected.